Friday, September 6, 2013

9 days and counting......

Melanoma has definitely changed our world upside down.  We live our life in 3 month intervals. Steve has scans, we get the results and then we breath a sigh a relief (luckily that is how it has gone so far).  We go home, celebrate and live "normal" lives for about a month.  After about a month, I subconsciously begin thinking about the next scans.  I may not know exactly how many days until scan day, but I am aware it is in a couple of months.  I double check Steve's online portal and make sure they have all of the correct tests and appointments scheduled.  Two more weeks pass.  Now Steve is about 6 weeks out from scans.  At this point, I am no longer celebrating the good news from the last scans, but fearing the worse on the next scans.  For the next month, I watch carefully every move Steve makes.  "Is that cough related to melanoma?"  "Is that fatigue related to melanoma?"  "Maybe I should call and get his scans moved up?"  I feel his lymph nodes.  I feel his side of the bed the moment he wakes up to make sure it isn't drenched in sweat (like it was prior to diagnosis).  Some people (including myself) have coined the phrase "scanxiety".  I am beginning to realize that it is not "scanxiety" at all, but instead this is our new life.  This will never go away.  Today we are 9 days away from CT scans and 10 days away from results.  At this point I am no longer fearful, but anxious (or maybe a combination of both).  Result day can't get here quick enough.  We have the next 3 months of our life to plan; whether it is more treatment or celebrating until the next scans. 




4 comments:

  1. I came across your blog a few months ago. At that time my husband was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic melanoma and just like you our lives changed. At 35 years old how could a healthy man be facing this. We have a 10 year old son that needs his daddy. He had surgery to remove the lymphnode from his neck and then had radiation. He seemed to be doing good. Then 3 months later he had the follow up scan and the results were horrible. The melanoma had spread all throughout his body including his brain. He started radiation and yervoy. After the 2nd yervoy dose he had a scan and it was even worse. I was holding onto the idea of the yervoy making it worse before it gets better. That wasn't the case. Nothing worked for him. The melanoma had taken over. He passed away last month and I am in a state of shock. Last year we were doing family mudruns and he was pushing us over the muddy hills. He was the healthiest, strongest man I know. It's just so unfair and I am so angry. Our poor son. How can this happen. Reading your blog helped me keep hoping. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I hope you get happy results.

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    1. Gina, I am so very sorry to hear of your husbands passing. Sadly, with melanoma I hear so many stories like yours. Everything is relatively "fine" and in a blink of an eye, melanoma takes over and turns lives upside down. It is so unfair. So unfair for you and so unfair for your 10 year old son. I will be thinking of you guys.

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  2. January of this year my husband was told he had stage 4 cancer, they removed the whole top of his head and all the lymph nodes in his neck. we have a 10 year old boy a 7 year old boy and a 5 year old daughter, he hasn't even finished radiation and new spots are showing up and I am scared to death but your blog gives me hope. God bless you

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    1. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. If you have a Facebook account, please click the link to the right to get to my Facebook page. I have 2 great, private groups that I think would really benefit you right now. I am in both of the groups and they have kept me sane through all of this.

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